Week 6 Results

Colts @ Texans. Pick: Colts -3. Result: Colts, 33-28. Right.
Yep. Texans. Breaking my heart. At least this time I was right about it. For the first time in forever.

Jags @ Titans. Pick: Titans -5. Result: Titans, 16-14. Wrong.
Good job, Jags. You kept it close. And Bortles led the team in both passing and rushing, which is pretty cool. Or, you know, bad. Depending on whether you're the Seahawks or the Jags.

Ravens @ Bucs. Pick: Ravens -3.5. Result: Ravens, 48-17. Right.
Holy shit, Joe Flacco. He ended the game with a UPR of 163.9, but early in the game it was MUCH higher. At the end of the first quarter, Flacco's line stood at 9/12 for 140 yards, 4 TDs, and 0 ints, giving him a UPR of 224.3. (I'd have gone further but the play-by-play info on ESPN.com ran out after one quarter.) If he had kept up that level of performance (virtually impossible especially with the volume [29 atts] he ended up throwing [he'd have had the most attempts on the leaderboard, although Foles's 211.3 UPR game comes close at 28]), he would have tied for the sixth-best passing game of all time with Robert Griffin III's crazy 2012 game (14/15, 200 yds, 4 td, 0 int, 224.3 UPR). And when I say tied, I mean TIED, not this wimpy one-decimal-point bullshit. Griffin put up a UPR of precisely 224.30556 (5s repeating); Flacco, in the first quarter, put up a UPR of 24.30556 (5s repeating). Their lines don't even look similar, other than the 4 TDs and 0 ints. I've literally never seen two games with the same UPR with different statlines before. (It obviously happens pretty frequently with capped PR, which is the whole problem with capped PR.) Strange.

Broncos @ Jets. Pick: Broncos -9.5. Result: Broncos, 31-17. Right.
This was never a fair matchup.

Lions @ Vikings. Pick: Lions +1.5. Result: Lions, 17-3. Right.
Remember when I said "They could put up 50 points on the board and absolutely blow out the Lions. Or they could turn the ball over 7 times and lose by 30"? I mean, obviously 7 TOs and a 30-pt MOV was an exaggeration. But given that Bridgewater threw three picks and lost a fumble*, this was a legit prediction. Sorry TB.

* I realize that according to the statsheet the fumble was recovered. But every time you lose control of the ball and it ends up on the field, you lost a fumble. I don't care that most sites just count those as "fumbles" and only add the "lost" if the other team recovered. It's a fumble, and you lost the ball. Whether you got it back or turned it over doesn't really matter, as far as your culpability is concerned. That's just whether you're lucky enough to get a good bounce. Either way it's a really bad play (sort of like how a field goal that hits the upright is a bad kick even if it bounces in, or a throw that hits a defender's hands is a terrible throw even if it bounces up and to the receiver). Obviously a turnover is worse for the team than a recovered fumble, but the player who lost the fumble in the first place is almost always equally at fault in both cases.

Panthers @ Bengals. Pick: Panthers +6.5. Result: tie, 37-37. Right.
That video is pretty much what the game looked like. Also, a tie is EXACTLY what "a trap game for both sides" comes out to. I'm fucking killing it this week. (I also feel really good that I won despite the game being a tie. Which is like kissing your sister. Except in this case I kissed someone else's super hot sister. Which I've totally done. #winning #blessed).

Steelers @ Browns. Pick: Steelers +1. Result: Browns, 31-10. Wrong.
Raise your hand if you thought Ben Tate and Isaiah Crowell would combine for three touchdowns. Now put it down liar.

Packers @ Dolphins. Pick: Packers -3. Result: Packers, 27-24. Even.
This one, though... This one feels like a tie. Fuck.

Chargers @ Raiders. Pick: Chargers -7.5. Result: Chargers, 31-28. Wrong.
Was not expecting four TDs from Carr.

Bears @ Falcons. Pick: Bears +3. Result: Bears, 27-13. Right.
It's about goddamn time the Bears proved me right. Also, I'm in love with Matt Forte.

Redskins @ Cardinals. Pick: Cardinals -3.5. Result: Cardinals, 30-20. Right.
When Washington was within one at the half, and then pulled within three just before the final two-minute warning, I felt gratified in my desire to choose Washington. When the Cards crushed Fake Washington's dreams with a TD return on one of Cousins's three picks, I felt gratified in my decision to choose the Cardinals.

Giants @ Eagles. Pick: Eagles -2.5. Result: Eagles, 27-0. Right.
Still don't completely believe in the Eagles. Still sad to see Nick Foles sink back to mediocrity. Still right. Still D.R.E.

Patriots @ Bills. Pick: Patriots -3. Result: Patriots, 37-22. Right.
Brady's... back?

Cowboys @ Seahawks. Pick: Seahawks -9. Result: Wrong.
This was a bad game. Wilson looked bad. Our receivers looked bad. Our offensive line looked bad. Our whole defense looked bad. Our special teams looked incredible. When your offense as a whole, your passing offense, your rushing offense, your defense as a whole, and your rushing defense all have their worst game of the season on the same day (the only Seattle unit that looked decent was our passing D, and of course our ST), it's hard to lose. This kind of game won't happen again.

Niners @ Rams. Pick: Niners -3.5. Result: Niners, 31-17. Right.
Kaepernick looked good. The Rams looked bad. Which is a recipe for exactly what happened.

Tally: 10-4-1. Which is pretty legit against the spread.