Bird vs. Magic.
Russell vs. Wilt.
Yankees vs. Red Sox.
Me vs. Football God.
FDR and Stalin vs. Hitler.
Taylor Swift vs. masturbation vs. beer vs. Bach vs. Shakespeare vs. Thanksgiving dinner.*
Kitna vs. Luck.
* For the "crowning achievement of humanity" award.
Our lives, and especially our sports, are defined by great rivalries. You don't remember high school for the dumbass people or the useless classes, you remember it for the rivalry between the coalition of janitors and the fearsome raccoon population in the third-floor boys' bathroom. You don't remember college for the less dumbass people and the less useless classes, you remember it for the rivalry between the college you didn't go to that you like and the college you didn't go to that you hate. You don't remember some third place for some thing or some other thing, you remember it because of some invented rivalry. I don't know. This is a low-effort post.
But one of the greatest rivalries in sports history has gone by virtually unnoticed under our very noses. I'm talking, of course, about the rivalry between Andrew Luck and the great Jon Kitna, who's apparently still active in the NFL.
"That's absurd," you laugh. "Kitna's one of the all-time greats (42nd in career yards, 61st in TDs, 82nd in PR, and a surprisingly good 27th in cmp%), while Luck's an overrated ogre who can't throw a football to save his life." Or some less cliched idiom. Low-effort post.
But you're wrong! You're wrong, and I hate you. For, you see, at key moments in their respective careers, Luck and Kitna followed startlingly similar trajectories. Behold the magic. Behold the truth. Unless you can't handle it.
For the first four years of his career, Kitna was a member of the Seahawks. During that time, he won four MVPs and four Super Bowls, leading his team to a flawless 64-0 record (plus 16-0 in the preseason). It is primarily a result of this period that Kitna is considered the clearest Hall of Fame lock in NFL history, and why Peyton Manning, in a joint interview with Tom Brady, once described him as "the guy we all wish we could have been... [Kitna] was an icon." (Brady later added, "Jon did things with the football that Peyton and Brett [Favre] and I could only dream of. He had this poise with the ball that made him look like a Greek god, this Adonis in the pocket.")
Meanwhile, Luck's rookie season was speckled with potholes and mistakes. He was the shame of the league, and he'd often exit the tunnel to a cacophony of boos and thrown beverages. Just kidding. But he should have been. Here is how they match up.
Rookie Luck vs. Seahawks Kitna:
CMP: 54.1% vs 58.2%
TD:INT Ratio: 1.28 vs 1.09
Passer Rating: 76.5 vs 76.3
For the first four years of his career, Kitna was a member of the Seahawks. During that time, he won four MVPs and four Super Bowls, leading his team to a flawless 64-0 record (plus 16-0 in the preseason). It is primarily a result of this period that Kitna is considered the clearest Hall of Fame lock in NFL history, and why Peyton Manning, in a joint interview with Tom Brady, once described him as "the guy we all wish we could have been... [Kitna] was an icon." (Brady later added, "Jon did things with the football that Peyton and Brett [Favre] and I could only dream of. He had this poise with the ball that made him look like a Greek god, this Adonis in the pocket.")
Meanwhile, Luck's rookie season was speckled with potholes and mistakes. He was the shame of the league, and he'd often exit the tunnel to a cacophony of boos and thrown beverages. Just kidding. But he should have been. Here is how they match up.
Rookie Luck vs. Seahawks Kitna:
CMP: 54.1% vs 58.2%
TD:INT Ratio: 1.28 vs 1.09
Passer Rating: 76.5 vs 76.3
I'M SEEING DOUBLE.
There are two possible explanations for this data. First, Kitna really is great, and the fact that Luck performed comparably to him is a huge boon for Luck's career. Second, Kitna sucks and Luck sucks too. Third (I forgot to mention there are actually three possible explanations), Kitna is great and underperformed because he didn't want to make everyone else feel inadequate, and Luck just sucks. This is my choice.
Luck. Is. An. Ogre.
Kitna. Is. A. Kitten.
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