We are now officially 31.25% (5/16, or 1.25/4) of the way through the season, which makes now the obvious time to discuss my 2014 predictions. (I'm not actually joking. I mean, I am, but this is a decent time to do it. We can do it after 5, 10, and 15 games. This makes sense. I'm going to keep telling myself that. Mostly because I forgot that I made a prediction post until right now.) Leggo.
AFCN: Bengals. So far so good.
AFCS: Texans. Surprisingly, this pick is still on pace to be accurate. Bet you didn't think Houston was still on top of the division. (Ok, apparently they're second to the Colts in the playoff standings, but...........)
AFCW: Broncos. Technically they're second in the division to the Chargers. But we all know they'll end up on top.
AFCE: Patriots. They're TIED for the top of their division. And the team they're tied with is the Bills, who... are the Bills. The same Bills who haven't had a winning season since Bush's first term. The same Bills who haven't won ten games (in a season) this MILLENIUM. Sorry, Bills fans. Also, the Patriots looked great this week, against the fucking Bengals no less, so I'm going to assume they're back to '07 form. Please.
AFC Wild Cards: Chargers and Ravens. I fucking nailed these picks. The Chargers are dominating this season so far, and the Ravens are tied for the wild card spot with the Pats/Bills, the Steelers, the Texans/Colts, and just behind Denver. If the playoffs started tomorrow (they don't), Baltimore ends up at 7th seed, and New England at 9th. The other four of my picks make the playoffs.
NFCN: Packers. 3-2, tied for the div lead. Rodgers is playing like a god so we'll see if that continues.
NFCS: Falcons. Ok, somehow Carolina is still on top of this division, which is utter bullshit. But Atlanta's second, and I think they're clearly the best team in the division.
NFCW: Seahawks. Again... technically the Seahawks are second to the Cards. But not really.
NFCE: Redskins. Okay, so technically the Skins are 1-4 and are not only last place in the division, but are tied for the worst record in the NFC. But, like... they shouldn't be. I don't know. I might have misfired on this one.
NFC Wild Cards: Saints and Niners. Both these teams look decent. Right now, there are technically five teams in the NFC playoffs that I didn't predict to be there, and my teams are technically seeds 6, 7, 9, 11, 12, and 16... but.......
AWARDS!
MVP: Russell Wilson. Still like this pick. Wilson is a god. He can do shit with the football that's positively Kitnaesque. Quick statistical update: Remember how Young in '94 put up 70.3% cmp, 3969 yds, 35 TDs at 7.6% TD%, 10 ints at 2.2% int%, 8.6 YPA, 112.8 rtg, 8.24 ANY/A? Well, through five games Wilson is on pace for 70.3% cmp, 3408 yds, 32 TDs at 7.2% TD%, 4 ints at 0.9% int%, 7.68 YPA, 112.9 rtg, and 7.52 ANY/A. Those stats are SPOOKY close. (Obviously Young has an advantage in some categories, but still, it's close between Wilson and one of the five best passing seasons ever, which means a LOT.)
OPOY: Peyton Manning. Seems like Rivers now, but Manning is still a safe bet.
DPOY: JJ Watt. Yes. Edit: Oops, I forgot that this paragraph is the entire reason I wanted to write this post:
Here's how good JJ Watt is: You might think of there being "good" defensive players, like Luke Kuechly and Joe Haden; and "bad" defensive players, like, I don't know, Patrick Chung. The truth, as always, is more complicated. See, it's like this: A cantaloupe is big, and a golf ball is small. Kuechly and Haden are cantaloupes, and Patrick Chung is a golf ball. But Patrick Chung is not the worst defensive player in the NFL; there are also HUNDREDS of grains of sand, many with only a fraction of the ability of Mr. Chung. Meanwhile, on the other side, beyond the cantaloupes, there are also houses, which are much bigger than cantaloupes (aren't you glad you're reading this blog), and, in this metaphor, represent the truly excellent defensive seasons in NFL history. Think '09 Revis, or '08 Haynesworth (that happened), or '13 Robert Quinn. (Notice here that Kuechly is a cantaloupe, and Quinn is a house. Explain to me how the DPOY voting happened. Or wait a second, because it's about to get worse.) But the world doesn't consist of just houses. It also consists of a big-ass fucking planet. And that planet is JJ Watt. He's so big, filled with rocks and magma and athleticism and minerals and a giant ball of iron and TALENT and another giant ball of iron (get it?), that he's simply incomparable to other defensive players. And that's why Houston rocks.
OROY: Blake Bortles. No comment.
DROY: Jadeveon Clowney. Still hate this pick.
COY: Pete Carroll. I have no idea how they choose who they give this award to. It's the worst award.
CBPOY: Percy Harvin. Still seems safe.
EOY: John Schneider. Still the only non-Elway exec I know.
No comments:
Post a Comment