Let's pick up where we left off.
Eagles @ Colts: 30-27 Eagles. Prediction: Eagles close. Verdict: NAILED IT!
I was a little worried when Andrew Luck started off the game with a passer rating in the triple digits, but once he remembered that he was Andrew Luck and his performance dropped off a little bit (read: a cliff) things evened out again. I will say once again that I don't believe in Philadelphia this year, but I'm glad they won.
I realize that sometimes it gets confusing trying to keep track of which teams I "believe in" and which ones I don't. (teams I "believe in" here refers to teams that aren't generally considered to be contenders that I believe have the potential to be great.) Here's the quick runthrough of the middling teams that could go either way.
Houston: I believe! JJ Watt and Ryan Fitzpatrick will carry Houston to the promised land.
Philadelphia: I don't believe. Philly had a magical season last year, but Foles turned real-life Madden from Rookie to Veteran (or whateer; I haven't played Madden in years) and now he's mortal. Plus LeSean McCoy sucks now. Get me off this bandwagon before it crashes and burns.
Arizona: I don't believe. The Cards have an elite defense, don't get me wrong. But that's as far as their eliteness goes.
Chicago: I believe! I love that offense. I really do. It's always rough when your weakest link is quarterback, but when a guy like Cutler has that much talent around him he can make stuff happen. Plus now the defense is maybe a little competent?? We'll see.
Atlanta: I want to believe. But they're just not that good.
Minnesota: I don't believe. Just out of spite. If Peterson plays they're decent. But Peterson shouldn't play because he's a lousy excuse for a human being and a waste of breath. Child abuse is something that I can't forgive and he's openly admitted to his actions. I hope he never plays another down in the NFL. (As for the Vikings' decision to try to play him this weekend, I hate it. It's a terrible, classless move. They're doing it because they lost badly without him and they're embarrassed. But this isn't something that it's okay to compromise on.)
EDIT: The Vikings apparently read my article and decided to pull an about-face on the Peterson situation. Guys, PSA: When you make one decision and then reverse it to the wrong one and then reverse it again to the right one, it makes you look less like moral people who are trying to do the right thing and more like greedy cowards who are trying to maximize profits and minimize bad press. Which I realize is exactly what you are. But you could at least TRY to hide it.
Tennessee: I... don't believe. I'm sorry, Jake. I still love you.
Baltimore: I believe... a little. Flaccastrophe! Fl*cc*sterisk! Flacck of Seagulls! I have no idea where that last reference came from. I don't even know that band. But no. I don't believe in the Ravens.
Lions: I believe. I don't want to (they're the Lions), but somehow I have to.
Jets: No. Sorry.
Redskins: I BELIEVE!!! Even if RG BEliEvE doesn't come back, I still believe. The Redskins are the chosen ones. There is going to be a Redskins-Texans Super Bowl. It is going to shock the shit out of everyone, and it will be beautiful.
Chargers: I believe! And not only because they tore the shit out of my team and its legendary defense.
Browns: Hahahahahahaha! I don't believe. And I feel like this is a good time to mention that I predicted the failure, at the NFL level, of both Johnny Manziel and Jadeveon Clowney. I realize Clowney is injured, but Manziel just sucks. I predicted this. I have proof. Which I'll share when it becomes relevant (the season has just begun).
Colts: I don't believe so hard. I don't believe even harder than it is for Andrew Luck to talk to girls.
Chiefs: I don't believe even a little bit.
Jaguars: I don't believe. Sorry, guys.
All the rest are either clear contenders or clear losers in my eyes. Use your best judgement.
Anyway... I close my week with a win! Which brings my overall record (just looking at winners/losers, not at distance) to... 8-7! (I'm not counting the Baltimore game because I'm not an asshole.) That's a pretty bad record. But. Um.
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