Okay so Pt. 1 was actually this article I wrote in June 2016, when the Lakers roster was a little different. Most of what I said turned out to be fairly accurate: we drafted Ingram, Simmons never learned to shoot, we signed Luol Deng (fun fact: we're paying him 5M/y for the next two years), and we certainly did not contend. Then LeBron came over a few years later, our roster got blown up and started from scratch (with the exception of KCP and unfortunately Kyle Kuzma). So where do we stand now? (As I write this, we are 2-0 in the Finals, and I'm just assuming we're gonna sweep. Because how could we not?)
PG: Quinn Cook, Alex Caruso, Rajon Rondo
These guys are on contract for roughly one year each (Rondo has an option) and while none of them are incredible, Caruso is somehow a good defensive player and not just a meme, and Rondo has somehow learned to shoot. This isn't a position we can easily reload in unless Lillard or Steph cares to come over. Role players like Caruso and Rondo are fine here. I genuinely have nothing to say about Cook.
SG: Danny Green, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Avery Bradley, Talen Horton-Tucker, (Dion Waiters, J.R. Smith)
Okay I forgot to explain this but the parentheses obviously refer to people whose contracts are expiring after this year. Danny Green looked like a great option for us but instead is a $15 million albatross. Fortunately he's also expiring after next year, so we might be able to ship him out and bring someone better in. Meanwhile Pope is pretty good (and much cheaper) and Bradley is theoretically valuable and cheaper still. I don't know about the others. Wasn't Dion Waiters supposed to be good once upon a time? J.R. was not.
SF: LeBron James, (Jared Dudley)
Lmfao who needs SFs? Anyway LeBron's going to play here for the next... years, hopefully with a gradually diminishing performance (starting in about 5 years) rather than an abrupt retirement next year or something. I guess depth would be good here.
PF: Anthony Davis, Kyle Kuzma, (Markieff Morris)
Davis is opting out but almost surely will opt in if we win. How could you not? It's LeBron. Kuzma we should really trade. That dude is a mess. Fortunately his contract is really easy to drop. Maybe we can package him with Green. I'm also definitely down to keep Morris, probably for pretty cheap.
C :JaVale McGee, (Dwight Howard)
Never thought I'd say this (again) but I really hope we bring Dwight back. What a weird career path -- my dude got drafted 1st overall out of high school, won three straight DPOYs, was the centerpiece of a Finals team in '09, bought a ticket to the GOAT franchise, blew it, peaced out, did god only knows what for the last few years, and then returned to the GOAT franchise as a very good, high-effort role player. I have no idea where this Dwight came from. He's so scrappy and tough now and he tries hard, has a great motor, and is causing no problems with the team. Let's keep him.
Roster Update:
So, where does that leave us -- assuming we ship out Green and Kuzma and keep Howard and Davis? Roughly here:
PG: Rajon Rondo, Alex Caruso, Quinn Cook
SG: Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Avery Bradley, Talen Horton-Tucker
SF: LeBron James
PF: Anthony Davis, Markieff Morris
C: Dwight Howard
Available money: roughly (very roughly; I'm not committed enough to this to figure out exactly how much) $10M below the cap. I don't know how the cap works, but I'll assume we can't finagle another max-type player and look at a few trades and free agents.
Trades:
All of these trades are 100% realistic and worked out with the NBA Trade Machine.
Lakers get Lou Williams, Ivica Zubac
Clippers get Danny Green, Kyle Kuzma
Lmfao. Contracts work. Clippers seem like they're exploding. We can throw a few picks in there. Williams is about 90.
Lakers get Nikola Jokic
Nuggets get J.R. Smith, Danny Green, Kyle Kuzma
WHO SAYS NO? Nuggets got wrecked pretty hard in the WCF. Presumably they're exploding the core and rebuilding.
Lakers get Joel Embiid
Sixers get J.R. Smith, Danny Green, Kyle Kuzma
The Philadelphia Experiment is clearly over. Embiid can have a good home in LA. For the future.
Lakers get Giannis Antetokounmpo, and his brother I'm not typing this again
Bucks get J.R. Smith and Danny Green. And maybe a pick
Look. I'm not trying to be rude. But the Bucks are a Regular Season Team and if they ever want to win anything they're going to have to ship out the dead weight and build around their young core: Eric Bledsoe, Khris Middleton, and Kyle Korver. Also they have a player named Sterling Brown and I thought it was Shannon Brown because it's abbreviated S. Brown and I'm sad now. Also. The Lakers must have all of the Antetokounmpos. It's the only way.
Lakers get Damian Lillard, Jusuf Nurkic, and a 1st
Blazers get J.R. Smith, Danny Green, Alex Caruso, and Kyle Kuzma
Who are we kidding? Portland is going nowhere. It's considered an Anarchist Commune by the feds and hasn't been to a finals since before I was born. It's owned by a dead guy. This team is donezo, as in stick a fork in 'em. Giving up Caruso is a blow, but Lillard should fill his shoes okay, and Nurkic is technically a basketball player. I just don't see another option for the Blazers, other than languishing in perpetual mediocrity for ever and ever until the end of time.
Lakers get Trae Young
Hawks get Quinn Cook, Kyle Kuzma, and Markieff Morris
I just wanted Trae Young.
And finally, here's a multi-team trade for you, as balanced as I could get it:
Lakers get Giannis Antetokounmpo, Luka Doncic, and Trae Young
Bucks get J.R. Smith and Danny Green
Mavs get Kyle Kuzma and probably a pick (from the Bucks)
Hawks get Markieff Morris
So assuming we pull that off, we get to start Young/Doncic/LeBron/Giannis/Davis and that's a pretty good lineup.
Barring that, though, let's look at our free agents.
Free Agents
Maybe Andre Drummond takes a vet min? No, but seriously, this is a serious section. Here is my serious note: I do not watch basketball, or rather didn't for the last few years. I don't know how good anyone is. But maybe we can get VINCE CARTER who is a FREE AGENT and last time I watched basketball he and Tracy McGrady were tearing up Toronto so we should for sure get him. Carmelo Anthony, big showing in the '08 Olympics. Maybe Tyson Chandler. Gary Payton (wait, it's Gary Payton II). David Nwaba is a free agent. Joakim Noah? He used to be good. Maybe Tyler Zeller? Oh we have to get Michael Beasley (who holy shit is only 31 somehow). Mike D'Antoni is a free agent, let's pick him up. Kostas Antetokounmpo obviously we gotta keep for Exodia. Is Devin Ebanks still around? Let's bring him in for a trial. And this guy I don't know but with the unmissable basketball name of Quinndary Weatherspoon. I mean COME ON.
Final Roster: (tumbleweeds)
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