Team Johnson

Suppose you made a football team out of all the players in NFL history to be named "Johnson." How good would such a team be? (This is a surprisingly popular question among football fans--no joke--and there are probably some answers out there, but they're probably not as good or as up to date as mine.)

There are surprisingly few Johnsons in the league at the moment. As best as I can tell (i.e. perfectly, because I came up with a brilliant way to count) there are 46 plus Jamaal Johnson-Webb, who doesn't count. (What is he, a spider?) So obviously we can't make a full 53-man roster, which would be heartbreaking to a lesser man, but is only a minor trauma to me.

QB: Gil Johnson
RB: Chris Johnson, Dennis Johnson
FB: Will Johnson
WR: Calvin Johnson, Steve Johnson, Damaris Johnson
WR: Andre Johnson, Charles Johnson (Min.)
TE: John Henry Johnson
LT: Farnham Johnson
LG: Charlie Johnson
C: Spider Johnson
RG: Pike Johnson
RT: Lane Johnson

DE: Charles Johnson (Car.), George Johnson
DE: Michael Johnson
NT: Antonio Johnson
DT: Tom Johnson
OLB: Jarret Johnson
OLB: Smiley Johnson
MLB: Derrick Johnson, James-Michael Johnson
CB: Trumaine Johnson
CB: Leonard Johnson
NB: Dontae Johnson
FS: Rashad Johnson
SS: Tyrell Johnson

K: Dontae Johnson
P: Curley Johnson
KR: Herb Johnson

I couldn't fill out the roster completely. I probably could have if I let just anyone on, but I have standards. So instead I searched for Johnsons with silly names from the black-and-white days and filled the roster out with them. There are 8 of them. See if you can find them all!

And so ends one of the more pointless hours of my life. (I don't know if it's been an hour. I have no conception of time.) What did we learn? Mostly that receivers named Johnson are disproportionately good. And old people have funny names. Hahaha, Chris Johnson.