Obviously the Hawks. Okay so we're through the first six (6) picks, which is as far as I bothered to look vis-à-vis prospects, so MY draft is over (until the Lakers draft a couple scrubs or trade away our late picks), so here's my anal
ysis.
#1: DeAndre Ayton, Suns
Duh. Ayton is like tall and athletic and has a decent shot. So what if he doesn't play defense? Neither do Karl-Anthony Towns and Nikola Jokic, and look how many championships and shit they've won. I mean... Joel Embiid is a tool. Can I just say that real quick? Like, trash-tweeting my guy Ayton like 30 seconds after he gets drafted just screams insecurity. You remember that time Embiid has played like 94 career games and was drafted FOUR YEARS AGO?? Let's hold off on the criticism, The Next Greg Oden. (Which is actually unfair to Oden, who actually is a pretty decent guy afaik.)
#2: Marvin Bagley 3, Kings
Whoops haha. No idea about this kid. Wasn't he injured or something? Give me like thirty seconds to do prospect evaluation.
Okay I'm back from prospect evaluation and I have nothing to say. Okay Kings. You made a pick. I literally have nothing to say about Bagley. He's a basketball generic. I'm assuming that's not a good thing but maybe he'll surprise me.
#3: Luka Dončić, Mavs
Or: Luka Dončić is still a BUST and other exciting news.
THIS IS WHY THE MAVS ARE BOTTOM-FEEDERS. Spoiler alert: Dončić is not going to be as good as Dirk Nowitzki. He's literally worse at everything. Sorry, Mavs. Sorry, Mavs' fans. Sorry, racist NBA fans dying for a new white superstar (remember the good old days when Larry Bird was a thing?).
See you never.
#4: JJJ, somewhere
I don't even care
#5: Trae Young, Hawks
HOLY SHIT THE GOD PICK. Trae Young just led the nation in scoring and assists as a freshman and shoots threes from an average of like five feet behind the line, because Trae Young doesn't give a fuck. Trae Young doesn't just THINK he's Steph Curry, he IS Steph Curry. Except he's not. You know why? Because Steph Curry sure as shit didn't lead the nation in scoring OR passing (I think; not checking), because Steph Curry is a fucking scrub compared to Trae Young. I don't even like the Hawks at all and watch me watch them play every single one of their games next year because I don't want to miss a moment of Trae Young's illustrious, Hall-of-Fame career.
Edit: Can I also just say that it's fucking hilarious watching Hawks fans freak out and like rage at their FO because they traded Dončić for Young, not realizing that that's like the most lopsided trade possible in this draft (biggest bust for best player)?
#6: Mo Bamba
This dude good. I already wrote about him in the article above re: Dončić being a bust. I'm not going to repeat myself. As a wise person of indeterminate gender once said, the nice thing about having this blog is that I've already written down all the sports-related shit I believe and I can just link you to it, instead of screaming it over and over and having no one ever ever hear, which is how oral communication works. God, fuck talking.
